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Taking note

I feel super crappy about getting fired (a topic which, while probably self-explanatory, I will no doubt explore in great wordy depth eventually regardless) but right now, at this moment, what I'm thinking is:

I'm about to go out into a perfect October day. I have lots of warm and suitable clothes to enjoy what I'm doing. I am packing a lunch full of healthy nutritious food. I am meeting a friend who is an awesome person. I am doing a thing which is fun and cool and which I've been wanting to do for years now, and today I am!

I have no job, but I didn't love the job. It wasn't a dream job. And I have a very safe and cozy place to live that I'm not really in danger of losing, even if money becomes a serious thing. I have no one depending on me and no one to worry about besides myself. I've already had two explicit offers of financial help, and I think there are probably several implicit ones. (I hope, and assume, I won't need any of them, but that is totally not the point.) When this bad thing happened to me, I was a) able to reach out for support, and b) received it-- without judgment.

Jesus fucking christ, if you compiled a list of "criteria for happiness" I'd run out of ink before I stopped checking boxes.

The feeling I have, overwhelmingly, is dejection, and I'm going to try to allow my feelings-- it's a crappy thing to happen and it's normal to feel bad-- but I really did want to take note of this awareness; it doesn't make the feeling go away, and that's fine, but it broadens the experience so it's balanced by things that heal.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 10th, 2015 02:50 pm (UTC)
You have all sorts of awesome things going on, and that is awesome. But don't blame yourself for feeling bad - getting fired does that to you, almost without exception.

Give yourself at least a few days to mope before you move on to the next thing.

Oct. 11th, 2015 02:22 am (UTC)
I get this, both the dejection *AND* the appreciation in the moment that one has what one needs to enjoy the moment, at least. Since my employment is also be terminated unexpectedly (albeit with a few more weeks' notice than you got), I grok some, possibly many, of the feelings. Enjoy the moments that you can as they present themselves. They are gold. The feelings will come and go like tides, but being able to stay aware of the good ones is an amazing thing, one I'm also working to (re)cultivate as I head back into Unemployment Unknowns. I'll keep sharing mine if you keep sharing yours :)
Oct. 12th, 2015 02:15 pm (UTC)

Jesus fucking christ, if you compiled a list of "criteria for happiness" I'd run out of ink before I stopped checking boxes.

this makes me very happy for you.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )